Mary Berry Biting Into Things

A Finger: It’s been a long, cruel winter here in the UK,...

Wed, 27 Mar 2013 14:19:48 +0000

A Finger: It’s been a long, cruel winter here in the UK, and no one knows this better than Mary. With the buns she stockpiled back in October long since devoured, Mary must resort to extraordinary measures to keep her bite sharp and her wardrobe sharper. No stranger to making do, Mary uses the lessons learned from over a decade of wartime rationing and tucks into her impeccably manicured finger. Ever the consummate professional, she’s even remembered to crystallise the finger 24 hours in advance. And we can’t fault her there, no one likes a sour finger.

Chocolate & Almond Biscuits: Er, what’s up, Doc? A...

Sat, 09 Feb 2013 13:04:32 +0000

Chocolate & Almond Biscuits: Er, what’s up, Doc? A classic Bugs Bunny Bite (BBB) from Mary here. No doubt Paul’s Elmer Fudd impression is the very embodiment of bumbling incompetence by comparison.

Bakewell Tart (part 2): Mary got the munchies.

Wed, 06 Feb 2013 13:37:00 +0000

Bakewell Tart (part 2): Mary got the munchies.

Bakewell Tart: Everyone worth their Maldon sea salt knows you...

Fri, 01 Feb 2013 09:42:00 +0000

Bakewell Tart: Everyone worth their Maldon sea salt knows you don’t actually *eat* a bakewell tart. You smoke it. Here we see Mary making a total deputy of Sheriff Paul, schooling the loose-cuffed Liverpudlian in basic tart etiquette. ‘Tis the times’ plague, when the baker must be shown how to bake.

Cheese & Chive Scones: Fruity by name, fruity by nature. If...

Fri, 25 Jan 2013 10:16:00 +0000

Cheese & Chive Scones: Fruity by name, fruity by nature. If you’re going to serve Mary Berry scones, you had better make sure they’re fruit, or so help you God. Mary *hates* savoury scones. And that’s putting it mildly. Here we see a classic example of the fate that awaits any baker who dares serve the sweet-toothed national treasure a salty scone. Just look at that bite. Piercing blue eyes set to ‘kill’ and mouth puckered in distaste. She’s basically furious.

Jakey Cakey Bakey: Mary’s face says it all.

Thu, 24 Jan 2013 20:40:30 +0000

Jakey Cakey Bakey: Mary’s face says it all.

Sue Perkins Face Cake: Mary’s not one to suffer fools...

Thu, 24 Jan 2013 20:10:00 +0000

Sue Perkins Face Cake: Mary’s not one to suffer fools gladly. She prefers biting into them. Imagine her delight, then, when presented with a cake bearing the face of the perennially blazered Sue Perkins. Having long-suffered Sue’s seemingly endless stream of bun innuendo and pastry puns, you can really see Mary taking pleasure in finally getting to eat her face.

She’s keen not to leave a single crumb.

Lady Grey & Lavender Shortbread: Guess who’s...

Tue, 22 Jan 2013 20:09:00 +0000

Lady Grey & Lavender Shortbread:

Guess who’s back?

Back again.

Mary’s back.

Side-bite fame.

#praise

[VIDEO] The Queen of Quiche herself, Mary Berry, responds to the...

Mon, 10 Dec 2012 11:16:43 +0000

[VIDEO] The Queen of Quiche herself, Mary Berry, responds to the blog Mary Berry Biting Into Things.

Pithivier: Textbook side-bite from Mary here. Complete with side...

Sun, 21 Oct 2012 19:03:32 +0100

Pithivier: Textbook side-bite from Mary here. Complete with side parting. Outstanding. That fork doesn’t know what’s hit it.

Chiffon Sponge Cake: Think biting into things can’t be...

Wed, 17 Oct 2012 12:00:42 +0100

Chiffon Sponge Cake: Think biting into things can’t be sexy? Think again. As Paul tries to make Brendan’s head explode using only the intensity of his two, beautiful, azure-blue eyes, Mary sets about making quite a different impression. Decked out in her Sunday best, Mary deploys her distinctive pout-bite (a little trick passed down to her by model and gingerbread enthusiast Heidi Klum). Eye-contact coyly averted, Mary plays the tease with characteristic charm and a sense of fun so often lacking from the televised baking competition format.

Frasier Cake: Classic teapot bite from Mary here. There’s...

Sat, 13 Oct 2012 13:37:40 +0100

Frasier Cake: Classic teapot bite from Mary here. There’s her handle. There’s her spout. Slight tilt of the body and bang - it’s teatime.

(Paul’s really trying bless him)

Brownie Burn: A cautionary tale if ever there was one. Mary,...

Thu, 11 Oct 2012 12:00:10 +0100

Brownie Burn: A cautionary tale if ever there was one. Mary, ever the embodiment of Joban patience, takes the time here to tenderly assess the temperature of James’ Scotch Brownie with her tongue. A sage move. Paul on the other hand employs no such restraint, inhaling the petits fours by the handful (forgoing the civility of cutlery) and paying the price. Judging by the expression on his stern sheriff-face, he won’t be able to taste anything with those taste buds for a good while. Luckily, Mary’s got some oral aloe vera in her bag. Trust Mary to save the day.

(NB: Danny’s loving it)

Blackberry & Peppermint Macaroons: Now this bite has got to...

Wed, 10 Oct 2012 09:40:56 +0100

Blackberry & Peppermint Macaroons: Now this bite has got to be worth the licence fee alone (Mary gets hers free of course). Tents can be unpredictable places and are fraught with hidden dangers for the prospective biter into things. No such peril for Mary though, seen here boldly defying an errant sidewind that slipped into her bite shot through a badly velcroed window panel. Unruffled and graceful as ever, Mary delivers the bite and remains as solidly steadfast as the hair on Paul’s Fructis-furrowed scalp. (Sources close to Mary have hinted that this wind may, in fact, be a “fashwun wind” - part of an image revamp prompted by her new status as a patronised fashion icon)

Brendan’s Crackers: He sure is. He sure is. Mary...

Thu, 04 Oct 2012 11:50:00 +0100

Brendan’s Crackers: He sure is.

He sure is.

Mary can’t even look.

(NB: Classic side-bite)

Smoky Crackers (/a hair): A perfect lesson in masticatory...

Wed, 03 Oct 2012 14:00:00 +0100

Smoky Crackers (/a hair): A perfect lesson in masticatory elegance from Mary here. As a seasoned biter of things, Mary has come to accept the perils inherent in such a pastime. Here we see Mary attempting to enjoy a smoky cracker (haven’t we all) and, instead, finding herself in the uncomfortable position of biting down on a hair. The origin of the hair is unknown (possibly hailing from Paul’s bewitching HD-ready sheriff beard or an eyelash from one of his two, beautiful eyes), but Mary deals with it with the minimum of fuss, maintaining eye-contact as she does so. Exquisite.

“I don’t carry a gun… I drive.” (and...

Tue, 02 Oct 2012 14:59:00 +0100

“I don’t carry a gun… I drive.”

(and bite)

Bomber Bun: As Paul titters away at Sue’s 11th bun...

Tue, 02 Oct 2012 10:59:11 +0100

Bomber Bun: As Paul titters away at Sue’s 11th bun innuendo, Mary wastes no time in seeing away a bun or two. The roomy (and now legendary) floral bomber jacket allows Mary to quietly stockpile buns to see her through the approaching winter.

Queen of Puddings: We’re pretty sure no one has ever heard...

Thu, 27 Sep 2012 15:16:45 +0100

Queen of Puddings: We’re pretty sure no one has ever heard of this pudding. According to Mary, however, it’s a firm family favourite and has been for yonks. And who are we to argue? Mary clearly loves it.

Just look at her go.

Get it down you girl.

Creme Caramel: Always a slippery customer, Mary handles the...

Fri, 21 Sep 2012 17:39:30 +0100

Creme Caramel: Always a slippery customer, Mary handles the notorious creme caramel with this signature move. According to Mary, this one’s all in the wrist (we suspect there’s a considerable role for the tongue too but Mary’s not one to be vulgar).